Tuesday, February 4, 2014

REWRITE: Write an inventive fight scene between a bounty hunter and an escaped convict in a room with no gravity. (Inspired by Ender’s Game and Cowboy Bebop)

After some comments I recieved on reddit I decided to try and rewrite this scene. I cut the word count from 817 down to 771 a drop of just under 6%. More importantly< I think it's a whole lot better.
John drew his laser pistol and fired off several shots, but Bill was far away and gaining distance so the shots missed their mark. The last bolt sailed past Bill’s head, striking the control panel next to the door. He gave John a sarcastic wave as he passed through the door.
A calm female voice announced that they were “Now entering zero gravity.” John pressed a button on his left palm to activate his zero point energy projector. A golden arc of energy shot at Bill, but the beam fell just short as he pushed off from the floor and floated out of John’s field of vision.
As he crossed the threshold, John stopped to get his bearings. It was a huge, spherical room dotted with evenly spaced purple lights against a field of black. A large elevator track cut through the center space leading to a another platform where the elevator car sat waiting. The lights cast a violet glow onto everything making it difficult to distinguish between pieces of floating garbage and Bill; not that there was much difference to begin with. He raked his eyes up Bill’s trajectory, but couldn’t see anything other than a couple of smashed crates drifting aimlessly.
“Where did you go?” he muttered. He didn’t have to wait long as something small and pointed shot past his head.
“Hey, John! Nice to see you down there.” Bill was holding a small gun-like device, probably a pneumatic rivet gun. He fired it again; Newton’s 3rd law driving him back several feet. The bolt went wide and missed John completely, instead embedding itself in the durasteel floor. “This baby’s got one helluva kick!”
John aimed his laser pistol. “I’m gonna give you one last chance to along peacefully before I fill you full of plasma.”
Bill laughed, the sound echoed hollowly off the round walls. “John you couldn’t hit the broadside of a freighter with a cannon.” Bill fired his gun again, but this time to his right so he drifted to the left.
John pushed off from the floor and used the zero point lasso to latch on to the rail of the freight elevator. “Must be why your momma was so easy to hit.”
Bill didn't laugh, instead pulling up another device in his left hand. A whining, buzzing sound emanated from it and a spinning disc flew at John like a horrific frisbee. This shot was closer to the mark, and though John pivoted to the side the spinning blade caught him in the arm. A pool of blood formed into little droplets clinging to his arm. Another saw blade came flying at him, but he had already pushed away from the track.
John returned fire with his pistol, the zero recoil blaster didn’t push him back. A blue field of energy shimmered into existence around Bill as the laser bolt ricocheted, pushing him back several feet.
“Damnit.” John ground his teeth together. Somewhere among the crates, Bill had found a force field generator. John’s weapons would be useless. Reaching out with the energy lasso, he hurled a crate at Bill who simply floated out of the way.
Bill spread his arms wide, a shit-eating grin crossing his lips. “Ready to give up, John?” John wasn’t ready to give in, not yet. If he could get close enough, he could smash the energy projecting device.
Bill pointed his gun straight down to propel himself upwards to the platform above. “Have a good time, dumbass!”
John lassoed onto the track once again and propelled himself forward. Using the momentum he latched on to the track again and pulled himself for even more speed. He kept this up, constantly increasing his speed. Four discs came hurtling towards him but all four sailed beneath him. John collided with Bill in mid air, his momentum only slowed a little by Bill’s mass. They went spinning through the anti-gravity chamber, each punch that they landed tilting their spin a little more. Bill tried to bring his weapons around but the tools were too unwieldy for close quarters combat. Bill’s fingers tried to latch themselves around John’s thick neck but they weren’t long enough, and John’s sweat had made his skin slippery.
John found the device, it vibrated and sparked at his touch. Hooking his fingers on the underside of the device, he yanked it off Bill’s belt. Bill tried to reach out for it but the butt of John’s pistol struck his temple, momentarily stunning him. John used his energy lasso to immobilize Bill.
“I got you now, you son of a bitch.” And 1,000,000 credits.

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